Getting a vasectomy
"I finally have insurance that will cover my husband's vasectomy 100%. Our primary care doctor gave us a referral to a urologist, and we have a consolation coming up in 2 weeks. I'm 23 and he's 25, so we're worried that the doctor is going to deny us based on age. My husband and I have been together for 8 years, and we know with complete certainty that neither of us want kids for a multitude of personal and medical reasons. What advice do you have for the first appointment? What questions can we expect to get from the doctor?"
Answers from the childfree community:
No doctor should do that to you. If they do, I’d walk out and find someone else. As long as he is healthy enough for the procedure there shouldn’t be any reason that urologist couldn’t perform it. If he doesn’t do it, for his own personal reasons, he’s doing it unethically and should honestly be reported to a medical board. - Elizabeth H.
Depending on what country/area you live in, you may not get questioned at all other than to confirm that you understand the procedure and the testing that follows to ensure the surgery’s success. A vasectomy is relatively easy and I have heard that some doctors perform them in their offices. Way less intrusion to the human body compared to what a female goes through for a similar procedure. On the other hand, a female friend of mine had to get the okay from two different psychiatrists before she had her tubes tied before age 40 and that was in addition to the inquisitions at the doctor office (Alberta, Canada). – Jennifer B.
I got it done at 33. Doctor didn't grill me too much. I wouldn't worry. Just explain you don't want kids and have a couple of well-reasoned excuses. Edit: should add I don't have kids and am not married. – William B.
Do your research about the surgery and side effects, if the doctor sees you know what you’re talking about it helps. – Dannon H.
Look for a urologist that does a "no scalpel" vasectomy. My husband had a consultation today with someone who does an older style, but this version has fewer complications. He asked my husband how many kids he had. He replied, "None, and I'd like to keep it that way," The doctor laughed and asked if he was married and then implied that I was encouraging my husband to get snipped. I suppose in hetero relationships the woman tends to convince the man to get sterilized because...you know, it's nearly impossible for a childfree female to have the same procedure, plus recovery is a bitch. So, be prepared to confirm that it's 100% the man's decision. – Natalie F.
Don’t invite bees into your house. Your doctor may not even bat an eye at your request for a vasectomy. – Dawn H.
According to my research into this...doctors in the states can deny you based on their religious beliefs, and can discriminate based on age, marriage status, and gender. – Anna L.
My partner had initial consult and then procedure straight away. He was early 40s which might have made it easier. Said he had been thinking about it for years but never got around to it and it was no problem. You could consider paying for an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist to get some paperwork saying that you are mentally capable of making such a decision and understand consequences if it becomes problematic. - Catrina R.
Vasectomy can technically be reversed and is an easier procedure than a tubal. Remind the doctor of those points. – Amanda L.
My brother got his vasectomy done at 19 years old with no bother – Mara H.
My husband had one a few months ago and it was very simple he didn’t give him a hard time at all. – Stephanie M.
Generally they don't give men a hard time it is the women that they hassle the most. Mainly because a vasectomy is easily reversible and well as far as I can tell there is an attitude of "women don't know what they want so we had better make that decision for them." – Windy M.
Good luck and keep us posted. I was 29 and my fiancé 50 when we married and he had to lie and say he was single with grown children (that part true) because in 1995 they would never have given a vasectomy to a man dating a woman 22 years younger of “child bearing” age. I’m sending out good loving positive vibes to you both. – Susanne R.
I agree with do your homework regarding the surgery and weave that into your conversation with the doc. Most will be reassured if you look like you know what you're in for. I'm 22, in Mi, and got my tubes removed in May. No fuss. Back to work in 5 days and I have a very physical factory job. It helped my doctor to know ' I don't want kids' I've been considering the surgery since 18, and that we would consider adopting in the future if we ever did want kids. Good luck. – Sara F.
I think the doctors may think that since you’re both rather young, you may divorce, get new partners and then suddenly discover with those new partners how much you actually want kids. So I’d make sure to be clear that the reasons to stay childfree don’t have anything to do with your “current partner”. Good luck! – Anne E.
I am 29 and have never wanted kids. My OH had his done back in Jan. Best thing ever. Just go and be honest and grown up about it. We didn't mention that we knew you could have a reversal as we felt this could show you may want kids in the future and we 100% do not. Best of luck. – Charlotte L.
Tell them multiple reasons and maybe if you have families with inherited conditions that would be something I'd definitely mention. - Tracey P.
Just say you already have kids. My friend did. It worked. - Mariah C.
If you get denied the first time, keep trying different doctors. It took me 7 doctors to finally find one to do a tubal. - Stacey S.
I wouldn’t worry. Men can get vasectomies as easily as a woman can change her hair color. It’s women who are disregarded, dismissed, and disrespected in these matters. My brother-in-law was literally offered a vasectomy FOR FREE in his early 20’s because he was standing in a hospital hallway. I have another friend who got his at 18 (childfree and single). You just sit quietly and look at your husband adoringly like a good little “wifey” and he’ll be snipped before you know it (I’m only being half sarcastic). Why yes, I am pissed that it took me 23 years of agony and anemia and BEGGING to get a hysterectomy... what makes you ask?? – Amy F.
My husband went to get one and the doctors told him they were proud he was making a responsible decision. I couldn't believe it. For what women go through... that was their response to him getting one. Vasectomies are free through the VA btw. If you have military background. Domenique K.
Ours was easy. A few questions about our life, several "are you sure"s (which is fine bc you should be) but there was no judgment or hard time. - Stephanie F.
As a person who got vasectomy young as well, keep going til you find a doctor that will if they say no. - Dan P.
Jay Khan Are they doctors or lifestyle coach. If they're refusing vasectomy or have tubes tied based on personal opinion. Well they need to understand that there are people out in this world that don't want or plan on having children. They need to leave their own personal opinions at home and concentrate on medically helping people not work against them on this topic.
Doctors will happily help a couple who want children but can't have them, offering IVF treatments or other. But won't help a couple who decided not to have any children. It seems most doctors and most people in general hate the word childfree.
Good luck! My hubby got one at 28yo in early 90s.... no questions asked. – Bren M.
You can expect less questions than if you were a woman wanting a hysterectomy. - Lauren K.
My husband just had vasectomy a couple of months ago and the doctor didn’t ask to speak to me at all. There was no run around, he took an online class about what to except and recovery. I don’t think they can “deny” you. - Vanessa C.
Usually they don’t ask men for reasons and just give it to them. They don’t care. Its women they literally HARASS. You do NOT need a reason, nor do you need to explain. They are paid to snip him that's it. You file an appointment for the procedure, and you do not have to file "reasoning". – Michelle L.
When I got my tubes tied I wasn't much older than you both, when they asked "What if you change your mind?" I answered honestly, I would adopt or foster seeing as the planet is already overpopulated and there are too many kids that just want a family. - Sylvia P.
My best advice to you is that if you are refused, keep trying. Find a doctor who will accommodate you. It literally took me years to find someone who would do the procedure - that was about 35 years ago. I hope it's easier for women today. – Sheila C.
Just make it very clear that neither you want kids. Even better, let your husband go in by himself and tell the doctor his own truth. – Jane G.